back where I started, free and easy

I just watched A Walk on the Moon.  Man, I do not know why this movie gets me s much.  I’ve probably watched it 7 or 8 times since it came out.  It just kills me, I don’t know why.  I’m so sympathetic to EVERYONE in the movie, I love both the guys and Diane Lane just does an amazing job.  I don’t know, there’s just something so summer time and perfect and sad and happy and just good.  Also the waterfall scene is like the dark chocolate that you save and just have a little of when you want to make a special occasion out of of something.

I thought it would make me too sad to watch it again, but it was just perfect.

Earlier in the day I watched another movie that was okay (Pretty Ugly People) although fairly sizeist and weird, but really sad and moving at the end and I was writing a blog post elsewhere about a  friend that died a few years ago and I just cried my damn eyes out.  It was kind of nice though, I mean I just felt sad, missed my friend, felt a little regret about my youth and done.  Sort f autumn-y and melancholy, not at all the abject misery and suffering that all my crying seemed to have after Hawthorn (much of which wasn’t exactly about Hawthorn but it’s all tied together, you know?).  It’s nice to feel just kind of normal sad.

I’m in so much of a better place than I was even a month ago. Things are perfect, maybe not even great, but they feel even and bearable for the first time in a very, very long time.  I want to keep moving forward, positive change and growth and all that, but it feels nice to be right here, to be even keeled and neutral for a minute.  Like I’ve reached a point where I can make good decisions again, or at least make a plan.  Maybe now I can devote energy to building something instead of spending all my time crawling out of the hole I’ve been in.