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I’m so scattered this week I can’t even keep my commitments to myself.  There was no list this week.  Although my priorities this week were down time in the evenings on the assumption that my new position at work would take all my mental and emotional capabilities.  And I’ve been pretty successful in that.  So YAY ME!

I am definitely feeling extra sketchy and anxiety filled lately.  But less depressed and run down. Which might be a fair trade off. Okay, well no anxiety, fatigue or depression would be best, but I’ll take two out of three because it’s better than none.

Here are some good things:

Work.  It’s boring and weird and confusing and hard.  But it’s a job and it’s always changing and it’s filled with learning.  And you know, it feels good to learn when working and it’s a job that is something.  I’m not selling, buying or processing anything (thanks, Lloyd) and that actually means something to me.  I feel appreciated in the work I do and I hope to continue to do well enough to stay there and keep learning more.

Hawthorn.  He’s still a mixed bag, we’re still in a limbo that’s going to end with some boundary setting.  But he’s been a good friend and I find I can set aside how angry I am with him some times and just enjoy having someone I trust as a friend.

My apartment.  My landlord is amazing.  I love having my own space and not cleaning up after other people or feeling like my space is being intruded on or worrying about other people when I already spend enough time worrying about myself.

Books.  I think they have been saving my sanity for most of my life.  I need to not ever forget that.

Sunshine.  Even when it’s scorchingly hot, even when I’m complaining about unseasonable weather, I still love it.  It’s like my brain is batteries that only run on sunshine. It’s been a very wet and dark spring here. And yeah, I don’t like the butt sweat of the 90+ degree days this early int he year, but oh sunshine I love you even when you hurt me, never leave me, baby, never leave.

And hey, I don’t have cancer! Or at least I don’t have malignant, spreading, icky, dangerous cancer.  I have benign keratoses and need to be checked for the res t of my life, but won’t kill me so HOORAY!  Also I got my stitches out.  I no longer have stitches in my snatch (Ha!  I’ve been dying to say that out loud, but I haven’t had the right audience).