I just literally cannot stop being so mad at Hawthorn for breaking up with me.  I just spent a wonderful, so very good evening with him and my visiting family members. And at the end of it I’m alone and so horribly missing him. Really, it’s been months now, why does it still have to be so hard?  I’m just so tired of hurting over his stupid, selfish choices.  I had the WORST sex dream ever the other night of trying to have sex with someone else to get back at him and it was so potently unpleasant in the dream that days later I’m still disturbed by it. Having said all that, I’m still trying to manifest someone else to have sex with, because I honestly think that will help. Or at least it will give me something else to think about.  Ugh.