I should be asleep, or trying to be asleep, but I’m sitting up watching Criminal Minds (because my limited cable doesn’t have an all Law & Order all the time channel) and fretting a little about my cousins getting here tomorrow.  I don’t think they know that Hawthorn and I broke up and that I no longer live in the big house with the guest room.  Although Hawthorn has offered up his guest room for the weekend, since he’s going to be out of town.  And I’m sure it’ll all work out.

This is actually one of the things I need to work on.  A situation that I can’t control and really don’t need to control, it will be whatever it will be and I need not to be losing sleep over possibilities.  Especially things that aren’t dangerous or potentially harmful.  This is another lesson in letting it go. I think I’m not doing very well so far.

Obviously this is also revealing about how much of my problems are about control.  And right now I”m feeling a lack of control, a lack of discipline, a lack of concentration, a lack of exercise, a lack of distraction, and a lack of socialization.  It occurs to me, given all that, and a seemingly random comment on Facebook from a friend, that maybe martial arts is what I should be considering? Can you even start martial arts at my age? How do you decide what flavor? Find a teacher who deals in adult newbies?  I need to figure out how to follow through on this.

It seems crazy obvious how this would help me.  I mean not just be more fit, but feel more in control at the same time letting it go, and feeling more safe and in charge of my life.  So now I just need to figure out how to do this.

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