Ok, I’m giving myself a break.  I’m taking a half day at work today, only staying until I can get through a needed meeting.  I’m so exhausted I could cry.  I think I’m on about night 5 of poor and limited sleep.  Yesterday’s panic attack really wiped me out.  I realized I haven’t taken any Klonopin in 5 or 6 days.  Which is great for the thinking I don’t need it factor, how ever, clearly I DO need it.  I am going to do the work I need to do at all three present jobs this week and otherwise I’m off.  No social calls, no plans, no personal to-do lists around the house.  I’m going to sit on my new couch and read or watch TV.  I’m not going to plan house things or make lists.  I’m just going to do my jobs for the rest of the week and fuck off for the rest of the time.

Right now I have a pressure/sinus/tension headache that feels like it could flip and go migraine at any minute.  I’m fighting it back to finish easy but high concentration projects at work.  And I’m successful at that so far, despite the underlying feeling of wanting my mom, wanting to be asleep, wishing someone would come care for me.

Remember what I said a couple weeks ago about feeling better, running myself to hard, crashing, hitting a holding pattern until I felt better again and doing it all over? Well I think I took the running myself too hard to too far of an extreme over the last 5 days.  Now seeking as much down time as I can get, hopefully avoiding accidentally bursting into tears in inappropriate circumstances.  My level of frustration and disappointment with insignifigant things is surely a sign that I need to take as much time as I can to calm down.

Deep breaths.  Letting it go.

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