Today I called a therapist.  I researched the list my regular doctor gave me and wasn’t happy with any of them or they weren’t on my insurance plan.  I went through the list covered by my insurance and researched female therapists near my home or office.  I came up with a list of 4.  I prioritized them by which I liked best.  I called.  And left a voicemail.

So that was kind of anticlimactic. But I did it.  And I guess I’ll call again tomorrow, or hope for a call back or something.

Talking to people I know makes me very nervous.  Talking to people I do know about my problems, emotions, &c. also makes me nervous.  Perhaps talking to a stranger about this stuff will cause the two to cancel each other out?  I mean a therapist is supposed to help me talk, right?  Not just sit there and watch me nervously pick my cuticles and not talk?  Ugh.  Hopefully she’ll call me back and I won’t have to worry about this part of it for too long.

I think the Zoloft is making me feel way weirder and more disconnected than the Klonopin.  I’m not sure I can even describe it exactly, it’s like being, well, not high exactly, but it definitely is in my body as well as my mind.  I know it takes a little time and I’m going to push through it, but at the moment I definitely feel a little muddled and uncomfortable.  I wonder if the Klonopin will help?  Soon my body will be made of chemicals and my pee will flush out to the ocean and make the little fishes less anxious too.   Bleh.  I’m still not sure how I feel about this whole process.  Dear therapist lady, please call me back, the drugs alone are kind of freaking me out if I think about it too much.

HA!  She called while I was typing this.  I have an appointment in 11 days (it would be sooner, but I am going to be out of town on all of the earlier appointments she had open).